The Ashimmy Blog

Hey, it’s me in here

So today I turned 50 years old.  While I am thrilled to find out that I have lived this long, I am reminded of an old one liner I once heard. It goes something like this: “Inside of every old person is a young person asking, “How the F*#k did this happen?”  That just about exactly sums up where I am. Inside of this 50 year old is the same crazy kid I have been for a long time.

I don’t feel any different. I don’t act any differently. I still feel and act the same way I did 20 or 30 years ago.  I know that 50 is just a number and 50 is the new 40 or 30 or whatever. But it is milestone.

I remember turning 40 (that would be 10 years ago, good my memory still works) and thinking what was the big deal. I was still playing ball all the time, had was about to have have my 2nd son and felt younger than ever. Now at 50 I have an 11 and 9 year old who keep me running. I coach and play ball with them almost everyday. I still play basketball pretty regularly and though I could do more exercise, am pretty active.

I think back to my grandparents and parents and other relatives and how old I thought they were at 50. Was I just stupid or were they really that old?

Anyway, I have much to be thankful for at 50. My business, The CISO Group has afforded me a work-life balance that I have not enjoyed ever before. I am spending more time with Bonnie and the kids than ever. Watching them grow up every day is the joy of my life.

I also think I have a much more experienced, mature view on life. I am more tolerant than I used to be.  All in all, I would say I think I am definitely better now than I have ever been.

So please spare me the big 50 stuff, but I do appreciate the birthday wishes. And please remember that inside of this 50 year old there is still a little kid hiding out.

A reluctant post on 9/11

NOTE: This is a repost of an article I wrote about 9/11 several years ago. I don't have anything else to add.

Unlike so many of my blogging friends (here, here and here, for a few examples), I was not planning on commenting on the 5th anniversary of that horrific day (and the weeks that followed). Unlike many of them, 9/11 hit too close to home in my case.  My wife's sister, Myrna Yaskulka worked in the trade centers for Fred Alger Funds.  She was a vibrant, fun loving, nourishing person, a mother of 3 sons, caretaker for her own mother and most of all a genuinely innocent spirit.  On that beautiful fall morning, we were still living in Long Island and I was working in Purchase, NY for Interliant.  I was about to leave for work, when I saw the news of the first plane and was just getting on the Long Island Expressway, when Bonnie called to tell me of a second plane and said I should come home.  I returned home and saw F-18 fighter jets buzzing our house.  I remember thinking they looked like angry hornets, loaded with missiles.

Though Bonnie was immediately concerned for her sister, I thought the law of averages would protect us and she would be fine.  By that evening we received word that no one from her sisters office had been heard from.  By then the roads into and out of the city were closed and Bonnie's mom was alone on Staten Island.  I actually "borrowed" my friends police badge and drove from Long Island to Staten Island to bring Bonnie's mom to our house as I expected the worse.  The roads were empty, except for other police officers and emergency workers heading into the city to help with the rescue.  I took the Verazano Bridge from Brooklyn into Staten Island and stopped midway through, looking into NY Harbor.  I don't remember seeing the lights on at the Statue of Liberty ( all the better, she was probably crying anyway), but I remember a clear view into a smoke-filled lower Manhattan.  It was eerie and angry and chillingly dark, except for the bright spot lights focused on where the towers had stood.  The fires were still burning and the smell was intense.  I remember stopping and thinking, Alan, take a good look and never forget what you see, smell and feel.  I got to her mom's place, took her and headed back out to Long Island, flashing my master shield whenever questioned (it occurred to me that terrorists could have done that too), we made it home and tuned into the TV like everyone else.

So started a 10 day period of mourning, mixed with hope and then finally despair and realization, that we would never see Myrna again.  We organized a memorial service that was attended by thousands, but was missing the guest of honor.  We never heard anything or found out anything more about how Myrna reached heaven.  Needless to say, 9/11 is always an ordeal in our house.  A scab that is ripped off a never healed wound.  I know the rest of the country shares our grief, but it just cuts so close to the bone for us.

So here we are 5 years later and we still have not delivered the fatal response I thought our country would to those responsible, (I don't think they live in Iraq).  We hear about rescue workers continuing to suffer from their efforts and we have tried to go on with our lives.  My youngest son is named for Myrna and whenever he dances or sings, he reminds us of how much she used to love to do those things.  We moved from NY to Florida to be nearer Bonnie's other sisters. Today they will gather together to remember their missing sister.  I am so touched by the many people who called and wrote, telling us we were in their thoughts and prayers today. I don't know what to say other than, thank you. I look forward to the new building to rise up on the trade center site. To the memorial to its victims and hope it will finally bring a little closure to this dark chapter.  They say history is written by the winners, if so I hope history recalls that 9/11 was the beginning of the end for terrorism, the beginning of the end of Islamic extremism and the beginning of the end for enemies of democracy and freedom everywhere.  Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, God bless you for caring, God Bless my sister-in-law Myrna and the other victims of 9/11 and God Bless America!

When humanity gets in the way of privacy and compliance

I am as big a supporter of privacy rights of others as anyone else (except maybe for Martin McKeay). I understand the need to protect our confidential information. In the health care field, people are entitled to their confidentiality for sure. But I cannot stand when it is used as an excuse to run an inhuman factory, when health care professionals hide behind it to increase their efficiencies and billing.

So what has me so upset? My wife had to undergo a minor medical procedure today. She was going to be under anesthesia. She went in at 8 and was going to under for an hour or two. The procedure was done at an outpatient surgery center in Delrey Beach.

I should have known what I was dealing with when I brought her in this morning. They would not let me walk with her past the waiting room.  In the past I have stayed with family members until they were put under or taken from the dressing/recovery room into the operating room.

I returned an hour early to wait for my wife and was told the doctor had come out to talk to me but that he was too busy now to speak. I asked if I could go sit with my wife until she was ready to go. I was told that “privacy and confidentiality” regulations prevented them from letting me into the recovery area.

Instead they asked me to pull my car around the side of the building where they discharge patients and she would be brought out when ready.

Guys we are not talking about picking up the frigging dog at the vet here. What has this country come to? If they designed their recovery room correctly I didn’t have to see anyone else or their confidential information. 

This was just a convenient excuse by this surgery center to not have to deal with patients and their relatives. This way they just ship the groggy patient out the side door with out any mess or fuss.

It is too much to ask to design a recovery room where a patient can be surrounded by loved ones. Where someone can speak to a doctor and find out what is going on?

I know health care is very politically charged topic right now. But we would do well to remember to keep the humanity in health care, rather than become some Orwellian monstrosity.

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Saying goodbye to the old and looking forward to the new

So I am not going to bore any of you with my retrospect on what the biggest stories of the year or the decade were. For that matter, I am not going to play Nostradamus and make any predictions about what the next big things are for this coming year.

Like many of you, I don’t think history will treat 2009 kindly. It will go down as a tough year for many of us. I think the whole 00’s decade will go down as something of a bummer actually.

I was watching a Robin Williams special on HBO the other day and he said something about the nation waking up from a 10 year daze and asking what happened, what the fu@#k went on.

I have my own personal experiences of course. Professionally I put almost 9 years into building a company based upon a dream and vision that I shared with some friends. At the end of the day I came to realize that dream was not going to be realized in the matter I thought. However, it was not a waste of time at all. I learned so much, met so many and grew so much wiser. As corny as it sounds for me the really important part was the journey, not the destination.

On the family and personal side of things this decade has seen me become a parent. I have watched my two boys grow from little gurgling infants to young boys. I am looking forward to spending even more time with them and marveling at the young men they will become. It is a constant effort to try and lead them in the right direction. A balancing act of applying enough direction to show them the way, but laying back enough to let them find it on their own.

Yes the world at large has experienced some hard times these past years. My hope is that I personally, all of you, and the entire human race will grow and learn from our experiences of the past.

I am more optimistic then ever about the future. I will be announcing my new professional adventure in the next few weeks. I think it is going to allow me to achieve the goals I have set for myself. They are very different than the goals I had a decade ago. But I think they will allow me to achieve peace and happiness.

And that is my wish to you for the new year and new decade. May you achieve peace and happiness by whatever metric you measure that by.

Merry Christmas, Happy New Year, Peace on Earth and all that

Image by larryosan via Flickr

To the readers of my blog. As we get ready to close the books on 2009 and this first tumultuous decade of the century, I wanted to wish you all Merry Christmas and Happy New Year. I hope the coming year brings to you all that which you wish for.

The new year will be a busy year for me. Mitchell and I are planning a great podcast to kick things off first week of January. Also I will be officially announcing what I am doing sometime around January 10th.  Have been working very hard getting everything ready.

Then it is full speed ahead with the new venture. I will be keep blogging though. I hope you will keep reading.

Now it is off to spend some time with my family!

Raising Humans

Ask anyone who has done it and they will tell you. Raising children to become decent humans is probably the biggest job you are ever going to have. It is a constant struggle, especially with boys. Explaining why you do have to take a shower every night, brush your teeth and comb your hair gets tired after a while. The fascination with bodily functions and why it is not polite to speak about them in front of others is another fun topic. Being respectful and sensitive to others doesn't come natural either. Oh, by the way add doing well in school and developing emotionally and socially as something else parents have to watch and help with.  I have so much more appreciation now for anyone who has accomplished this and the utmost respect for those whose children have turned out well.  For me it is a constant struggle. I want my kids to grow up and be good humans.

Every once in a while though they do or show me something that makes me think my wife and I are doing something right. It could be just dumb luck, but now and then you see a shimmer of what a diamond in the rough may be lurking underneath it all. I had one of those moments tonight. 

In spite of my best efforts, both of my boys are big Peyton Manning fans. The Colts were playing the Jacksonville Jaguars tonight and my oldest son Landon, 10 years old and I watched the beginning of the game together on the NFL Network (they need better announcers on that network by the way).  Prior to the beginning of the game they made an announcement that out of respect regarding the tragic death of wide receiver Chris Henry of the Cincinnati Bengals today, they were going to observe a moment of silence. My son sitting at home watching TV turned, looked at me and said, “Dad come on we have to stand up”.  I stood up with him and watched as he put his hand over his heart and closed his eyes. I could see him really thinking to himself about what a terrible thing this was to happen. He really looked very sad. At the end of the moment he looked at me and said “Dad he was only 26 years old. What a tragedy.” Landon doesn’t know Chris Henry. We are not Bengals fans. We really had no connection to Chris Henry before today. But the loss of a young life. The loss of an athlete was felt by my young son. He was dealing with it in an adult and human way.

I grabbed Landon and gave him a big hug. I told him yes it was a tragedy. I also told him how proud I was of him and what a great young man he was growing up to be.  Moments like those make me think in spite of everything, we are doing something right in raising these kids. They will be great humans!

RIP Chris Henry.

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2009 Pittsburgh Steelers - RIP

One of my favorite things about football season is when the boys don’t have any sports games to play and we go watch the Steelers at one of the local sports bars here in town.  I dress both of them up in their Steeler jerseys, I put mine on, and we go for a boys day out. This year has been a difficult season. The defending Super Bowl champions have generally been a huge disappointment.  This past week against the lowly Oakland Raiders the Steelers were once again in the lead late in the game, only to give up  a big end of game touchdown and lose.

Yes injuries have hurt them, but it is no excuse. Their once vaunted defense is like Swiss cheese.  Now with this latest loss their chances of making the playoffs are pretty much done.  My family and I are still going to see them Jan 3 when they come to town to play the Dolphins, but what a disappointment  .

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Attending SC Congress and returning to roots

I am up in NY this week attending the 2nd annual SC Congress.  This second iteration of the show is much better I am sure in large part because of lessons learned from last years event.  Instead of being in the cavernous Javits Center this years event is in the Sheraton Towers Hotel. It has a much warmer and sharper feel.  The event is also better attended.  Most of all the people at the show are not wearing the usual blue jeans and t-shirts. This is a NY show and the people are dressed for business. Most people are in sports jackets or suits.  The Haymarket/SC Magazine crew have put a ton of time and effort into this years show and it has paid off.  I will write more about the show at a later date, but I actually wanted to write about something else today.

Coming home to NY is coming home for me. You can take the boy out of NY, but you can never take NY out of the boy. Walking from my hotel to the show, virtually every street I go down recalls a different memory. Today walking back before dinner I passed a store front on 57th street that looked familiar. I stopped and looked hard and it came rushing back. It was now a French restaurant but that didn’t fool me.  Twenty-four or so years ago this was called the NY Deli. It wasn’t one of the best delis in town, but it had a special memory.  On our second date I had taken Bonnie out in NYC (she lived in Staten Island, so with me driving from Long Island it was easy to hop into the city) after a night of partying (we really did party back then) I took her into the NY Deli for a late night snack before driving her home to Staten Island.  Looking into the window at the table we sat at I remembered what it was like those many years ago.  How exhilarating it was to be falling in love, how life seemed so endless and boundless.  So much living has gone on since that night all those years ago.  Mostly good, but some not. Dreams come true and others given up. Can it really be that long?   Spending a few moments in front of that window my life flashed before me. As someone once said life is a journey, not a destination, but for me the destination of NY holds so many of the way stations in my own personal journey. It is good to be home.

Drug Commercials

In our house we watch sports a lot. My two sons 10 and 8 have become real sports junkies and whether it is football or baseball, basketball or hockey; if it is sports we watch it.  For a long time I have worried about the impact that all of those prescription drug commercials would have on the kids. It used to be that they were too young to realize what Viagra time or Cialis daily or 36 hours meant. I thought the more than 4 hour go the hospital thing would raise questions, but they never asked. 

Tonight while watch the exciting baseball play off game between the Tigers and Twins there was a commercial for that drug that helps with enlarged prostrate problems. You know the one, it talks about the symptoms of enlarged prostrate and how the drug helps but if a woman touches it they could have birth defects if pregnant.  Frequent and painful urination. Lovely commercial for family time! After the commercial my oldest son says to his brother “I don’t think I have any prostrate problems, I only get up at night to go the bathroom about once a month”.  Do I need my 10 year old telling my 8 year old this. Do I have to now explain to them what the prostrate gland is and that at his age, he shouldn’t have to worry about it.  Next am I going to have to answer my 8 year old when he tells me he thinks he has an erection for more than 4 hours!

I would rather not see these drug commercials on during family time or prime time sports shows with so many kids watching them. Is their a way of them being less graphic.  I guess I would rather see my kids sold on tastes great, less filling alcohol products.  How about some good government commercials asking you to write for information to some address in Pueblo, Colorado (you have to be my age to remember them)?  Am I the only one who is uncomfortable with these commercials?

Making little men

When I am not flying around the world on StillSecure business. one of my favorite things to do is be involved with sports with my boys.  Not just my sons either. Since my oldest son Landon was 4 (he is now 10) I have been coaching him and my younger son Bradley in baseball, soccer and flag football. One of the things I like most about bringing people into my personal office at our Ft Lauderdale office is my wall full of plaques from each team I have coached. Watching people take in all of the plaques is always a proud moment for me. I truly do love coaching the kids. If I could I would do it full time.  I love watching these children grow over the course of a  short sports season into better players and more important into better people. When I see these kids even after I am not their coach they still come over and say hi and tell me what they are up to in their life. It is a great feeling. It is both a great privilege and a great responsibility teaching these youngsters about sports, sportsmanship and life lessons.

Tonight was one of those lesson times. My younger son Bradley’s flag football team the Mighty Giants (6 and 7 year olds), is really a special team.  From their first practice this team has just been a great mix of special kids who are eager to learn and play. We have spent many hours practicing and in all of our scrimmages and games we have won every encounter handedly, not even giving up any scores. There is nothing like building confidence, false or otherwise when your team blows out the other team every time you play.  This team really took on a swagger and it was fun to watch and see.  Tonight we played the other undefeated team in our league, the Jets.  I knew it was going to be a tough game. The coaches on the Jets besides being on the board of directors of our league, have also won the championship last year. The Jets play a tough brand of flag football and they beat our kids up pretty bad. Almost every boy on the team was crying at one time or another this game, having been hit, called names, kicked, etc.  The refs really missed some obvious calls, but that is no excuse, the other team was tougher than us. We won’t play the Jets again until the playoffs and then hopefully in the league Super Bowl. We have time to train the kids and hopefully have them better prepared.

After the game I gathered the kids together and told them all the right things a coach tells the kids.  Win or lose I was proud of them. We learn more from our losses than our wins and it makes us stronger. That the wheel turns and our turn will come.  Watching their bright little faces, wiping away their tears, telling them that the Sun is going to come up tomorrow and we will move on and get better, I could see their confidence returning. These kids learned a tough lesson today. You can’t win every game. There are people out there who can beat you. What I saw though that really got me excited was that rather than just resigning themselves to losing, they want to know what do we do to make sure we win next time. They are ready to practice and get better to make sure the next time we play that team the outcome is different. They aren’t going to quit and will do what they have to do to succeed.  That is exactly what I expect of these little men and their coach couldn’t be more proud of them!